The Other Side of This Life
by Barbarian Librarian
Summary: Post-XF, Mulder and Scully deal with the struggles of their new life while trying to fight the demons of the past.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: this fic was inspired, partially, by a very well done fan vid, on youtube – possibly the best I've ever seen. If you'd like the link, please PM me. I don't want to advertise for someone I don't know's work in case they don't want me to, but if you'd like the link, let me know. I generally don't read (and certainly don't write) fic that chronologically takes place post-season 7 because I am a bit salty with the way the show ended, though I desperately loved IWTB and I hope someday for XF3. Anyway, be kind, it's my first venture at anything post-XF.

Timeline: present day…. It sort of has nothing to do with IWTB.

* * *

><p>There is a house built out of stone<br>Wooden floors, walls and window sills  
>Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust<br>This is a place where I don't feel alone  
>This is a place where I feel at home<p>

And I built a home  
>For you<p>

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top  
>I climbed the tree to see the world<br>When the gusts came around to blow me down  
>I held on as tightly as you held onto me<br>I held on as tightly as you held onto me

And I built a home  
>For you<br>For me

-"To Build A Home", The Cinematic Orchestra

* * *

><p>BEEEEEEEEEEP!<p>

The sound of a patient flatlining filled operating room number two, of Priest River Medical Center. It was a hunting sound, marking the end of a several hour surgery. Every person in the OR froze for several seconds.

Without hesitation, Dr. Dana Scully huffed, "Time of death, twenty-two oh-seven." And with that, she snapped her purple surgical gloves off, tossed them hastily in the garbage can and slammed her body into the OR door, passing through, as it opened, leaving her staff to tie up the loose ends.

Once she found herself alone in the scrub room, she yanked her scrub cap off with such force that she thought she yanked some of her own hair out.

It didn't matter.

She sank to the tile floor, her back against the cool beige bricks of the hospital wall. For several moments, she didn't allow herself to think. She studied the pattern of the fabric of her scrub cap. She stared at the teal and silver swirls until her mind wandered to the surgery.

The patient was a little girl by the name of Madison Enzo. She was seven years old and suffered from leukemia. Scully had taken to her, even though Scully was not her oncologist. However, Scully's office was just down from the pediatric oncology floor. As such, she'd gotten to know some of the kids there pretty well. They all struck a chord with her – as a cancer survivor who had looked death in the face, and as a mother, who spent most free seconds of the day wondering the whereabouts of William.

Scully had been paged as the surgeon on call, however, this evening, because of complications from Madison's leukemia. She had to repair a perforated bowel. It was not a simple surgery, but it was not a difficult one. It was a surgery Scully had performed probably a hundred times with a one hundred percent success rate.

Knowing Madison's case, she understood the risk associated with the surgery. Chemo severely weakens the immune system. Children and the elderly had the highest risk. Madison had toughed it out through the brunt of the surgery, because she was a fighter. But her immune system was too weak to sustain the surgery.

Without the surgery, she would have died within hours. With the surgery, she died anyhow.

Scully knew, on an intellectual level, the prognosis of the little girl's condition. It wasn't good. All Scully could think about now, was the brightness and sincerity of that little girl's smile just three days ago. The maturity she had, as Scully sat next to her, after finding her in the hospital chapel. She was a little girl who was so smart and so grown-up. She reminded Scully a lot of herself. Madison was forced to grow up far too early because of her condition. And now she was gone, and her life hadn't even begun.

The sobs began to wrack Scully's thin frame, one after another. She was angry, she was sad, she was devastated. In a fit of rage, she punched the large cardboard box next to her, full of OR supplies. It left a small imprint on the box, and Scully didn't feel any better doing it.

Her fit was interrupted by one of her scrub nurses, who poked her head quietly into the scrub room.

"Doctor Scully?"

Scully hugged her knees and looked up at her, no time to feel embarrassed. "Yes?"

The nurse shuffled her feet uncomfortably. "Mister and Missus Enzo are in the waiting room and need an update…"

Scully sighed deeply, wishing that the girl's oncologist were there to speak to her parents. Partially because Scully just didn't want to do it, but mostly because the parents knew the oncologist much better, since he was a long-term care doctor for Madison.

She pulled herself together, scrubbed out, and headed out to accomplish the task at hand.

* * *

><p>Just before one o'clock in the morning, Scully gently eased the key into the lock of the suburban home she shared with Fox Mulder, in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado.<p>

Locking the door behind her, she haphazardly tossed her bag and keys on the hallway table. She noticed that Mulder had left the hall light on for him. Bless his heart. The thought of Mulder warmed her heart, and made it feel full. Scully enjoyed her job, but sometimes, Mulder was her only good thing in her day.

That was something she was used to though, a million lifetimes ago when she and Mulder worked the X-Files. Only now, they had an outlet in each other, because they finally bit the bullet and went for the committed relationship route.

She paused in the kitchen momentarily to down a glass of water and a few Advil. Her back wasn't aching yet, but she'd been on her feet all day in three back-to-back surgeries, and she knew by morning she'd be unable to move.

Thankfully, she'd stayed late and tied up all loose ends at work so she could enjoy her next three days off. She'd worked possibly hundred hours in the past week. It was time for some down time.

She crept down the main hallway, peering into the dark living room to see if everything was in place. She passed Mulder's study, which was surprisingly tidy, the door half-closed. Finally making it to the master bedroom she shared with Mulder, she scurried into the walk-in closet and shut the door, after snicking on the light, so she'd not wake Mulder. She began to shed her scrubs.

The white coat was gently hung up in the walk-in closet they shared. Following the coat went her scrub top, which got tossed onto the floor. She slid her shoes and socks off, her screaming feet sighing with relief at the gesture.

The sound of the closet door opening startled Scully. Appearing from the darkness was her partner and lover, Fox Mulder, clad in only a set of grey boxerbriefs, his hair tousled from sleep.

"Scully, baby," he growled roughly, pawing at the drawstring of her scrub bottoms. Mulder made no attempt to hide the fact that he found her clad in scrubs to be unbelievably sexy. Scully always found this to be so funny, given Mulder's past taste in women.

Sorry she woke him up yet so very thankful to see him, she slid her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, inhaling the scent that, even after several years together, still made her weak at the knees as much as it soothed her soul.

His arms snaked around her waist, and for several minutes he enjoyed the warmth of their embrace. Scully's erratic hours meant sometimes he'd go days without seeing her. He understood, but he missed her.

After a few minutes he pulled away to look at her face, realizing she was crying softly.

"Hey Scully, what's wrong?" he said, concerned. Her job made her moody at times, but rarely did she come home crying.

"I had a bad day today," she whispered, her throat thick with unshed tears.

He cupped her chin gently. "What happened?"

"Madison Enzo died tonight on my table, coded after a grueling surgery."

Mulder's heart immediately went out to Scully. She would often come home and talk to him about Madison Enzo. A few months ago, at a hospital benefit, Mulder even met the Enzo family. Such a sweet girl, and he could tell Scully really cared for her, outside of just a doctor-patient scenario.

"I'm sorry baby," he said, rubbing her back in reassurance. "I know how much she meant to you."

She sighed at his touch. She hadn't realized how much she needed him. She'd barely seen him this past week and a half or so.

"I've missed you," she whispered. Her hands trembled when she reached for him.

It'd been a few years since Mulder had seen Scully this weary and run-down. Why couldn't they ever find jobs that didn't take a toll on them?

"Let me take care of you," he said.

She shook her head. "No Mulder, you're tired, I woke you. Go back to bed. I'll shower quick and be there soon."

Mulder chuckled at her endless resolve. It was one of the many endearing qualities of the enigmatic Doctor Scully.

He tugged at her hand and led her to the bathroom. "You will be lucky to make it out of the bathroom before you pass out Scully, you're a zombie. Just let me take care of you."

She hummed in response as he slid her scrub pants down her hips, peeling her panties down with them. She obediently stepped out of them and kicked them aside. He unhooked her bra and tossed that with the other discarded clothes.

He sat her down on top of the toilet seat while he turned on the shower, getting the water just right, before shedding his own boxerbriefs and pulled Scully into the shower with him.

He washed her hair, spending extra time scrubbing her scalp, knowing how much Scully loved her scalp massaged. Her head lolled against his chest as he soaped her shoulders, moving down to her breasts, feeling the weight of them in his hands. He ran the loofah down her taut stomach, and finished washing her up. He was careful not to make this a sexual shower like they were used to. He just wanted to let her know he was there to take care of her.

They stepped out of the shower and he carefully towel dried her, his hands moving efficiently because he knew she was fading fast. Scully did such a noble thing, and worked to the bone doing it. She didn't do it because they needed the money. After the way things wrapped up with the FBI, they both drew from a pension that AD Skinner had advocated for. Plus Mulder had all sorts of money from his inheritance from both his mother and his father. There was no need for her to work how she did. But that was Scully, and that was one of the million and one reasons why he loved her.

After they finished up in the bathroom, he slipped a cami over her head and she stepped into a pair of panties, and they fell into bed together. Mulder pulled her to him and gently kissed her lips.

"Sleep," he urged. "But tomorrow we are going to talk about your job situation. Maybe it's time for a vacation, Scully."

She hummed in response, snuggling into him.

"Thank you," she whispered, before falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I let it fall, my heart,  
>And as it fell, you rose to claim it<br>It was dark and I was over  
>Until you kissed my lips and you saved me<p>

My hands, they're strong  
>But my knees were far too weak<br>To stand in your arms  
>Without falling to your feet<p>

-"Set Fire to the Rain", Adele

* * *

><p>Just before eight, Mulder awoke and quietly disentangled himself from a still-sleeping Scully. He smoothed her hair and smiled down at her as she slept. She was so exhausted; he hoped she slept at least for another hour before she woke up.<p>

Mulder crept quietly into the kitchen. He pulled out all the fixings to brew coffee, figuring he'd figure out breakfast whenever Scully woke up. Peering outside at the sunshine, he thought maybe they could go out to brunch if she were up to it.

Five minutes later, Mulder escaped down the hall to his study. He flicked on the lamp in the corner by the doorway and gave it a satisfied grin. His study was his favorite room in the whole house, and not really because it was his, per se. It just had a good feel to it. The room was the smallest bedroom in their four-bedroom home. There was a huge window across from the doorway. Just in front of the doorway was Mulder's desk that he and Scully had found one weekend when they went antiquing in Steamboat Springs. The wood was an aged mahogany, the desk itself quite simple in design. The desk held his laptop, a desk lamp, and miscellaneous papers that often drove Scully nuts. Mulder liked his organized chaos.

The wall to his left had a bookshelf that went from the floor to the ceiling. Every shelf filled with various books, some of which the Gunmen had mailed to him, from his apartment. The both of them had basically left their places with everything they owned when they left DC nearly ten years ago. Mulder kept in touch with the Gunmen who hooked him up with a secure line at their place and taught him how to encrypt emails.

Mulder carefully sat his coffee on the desk next to his laptop, and plopped down into his leather desk chair. His eyes ran over the greyish blue sofa on the wall before him, its edge just touching the woodwork of the doorway. He smiled. While the room was his for him to work and write, Scully often found herself in his study too. Many quiet afternoons were spent in there, Mulder tapping away at his computer, while Scully lay on the sofa, reading a book on her Kindle, which Mulder had gotten her for her birthday the year before last

A grin tugged at Mulder's lips, recalling the fondest memory of all in his study. Just a few months ago, he was sitting on his sofa, paging through a magazine, when Scully came home early from work. Several hours early, in fact. Surprising Mulder, she crept into his study, and crawled right on top of him, straddling him and snatching his magazine and tossing it on the floor – along with her clothes.

Life was vastly different than it had been before. Moreover, when Mulder thought of how he imagined their life would be together, it played out much differently than what he'd imagined. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He and Scully lived a quiet life. They spent time enjoying each other – when Scully had the time.

When they first settled in Denver, after fleeing Washington, it was a matter of weeks before Scully was in a residency for general surgery. Mulder of course wanted Scully to do whatever she'd wanted, whatever made her happy. But a surgeon's hours were even worse than the hours they kept at the Bureau.

The truth of the matter was, he missed her. They lived a quiet life that was paradoxically "go, go, go," because of Scully's schedule. It's been like this for nearly a decade. He supposed he didn't get much of a say so in it, it would be hypocritical of him to say anything to her about it. Prior to fleeing DC together, he left (though not voluntarily, of course) Scully and was gone for the better part of two years, while Scully was pregnant, alone. Mulder hadn't gotten any time to be as attached to William, as Scully was. Then they gave him up so that he could live a better life than the life that they led, running from the consortium.

Mulder thought about William often. About their life in Washington, about Scully's mother, the gunmen… hell, even Skinner. A few years back, he and Scully fought about it, when they returned to help with a case. Scully wanted nothing to do with it. She wanted to never return to "the darkness". He promised when they got back they'd leave again. Instead, they stayed in Denver, and Scully just worked.

As a trained psychologist, he couldn't place his finger on the reason why Scully worked the way she did. Of course she's always had a great work ethic – that wasn't what he meant. What he meant was, she worked in a way that was unhealthy. He wasn't sure if she was just trying to escape thinking about William and her family or if she was punishing herself for the choices she made by not allowing herself to enjoy this side of their life.

What he did know was they never had the opportunity to let the dust settle since they'd left and started over in Denver. And they were approaching a new set of darkness if she didn't slow down and just live and enjoy living. He wasn't sure they could weather that darkness or not.

He knew that their relationship was solid, and he'd never been happier in his life than being with Scully in the way he'd wanted to be with her, for so long. He was worried about her. And to see her come home, melting down in the middle of the night over Madison Enzo, and in turn, reliving William and Emily… it broke Mulder's heart. It wasn't fair to her.

The first darkness, the darkness in Washington… that was Mulder's fault. Well, not entirely, but it was Mulder, combined with the consortium, corruption at the Bureau, and the nature of their work in general. But this time Mulder had positive control.

What they needed was a change of venue.

Mulder sipped his coffee and opened the lid to his laptop. He listened as it lit up and began to hum, coming to life. Once it was done starting up, he tapped a few different search terms into Google.

He was thinking about Europe. Mulder had remembered his Oxford days, going on holiday every other month to a new country. Europe was accessible, romantic, and peaceful. He thought it would be the perfect place to go for a while to focus on themselves. A place to heal.

* * *

><p>Scully's eyes fluttered open. She stretched, arching her back, and rolling over onto her stomach. She felt well rested, a feeling she'd not felt in quite some time. Sitting up, she glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand on her side of the bed.<p>

"Eleven o'clock?" she muttered out loud.

Jesus.

She pushed the covers aside as she got out of bed, padding barefoot over to their dresser. She opened the third drawer and fished out a pair of short pajama shorts. Sliding them on, she closed the drawer quietly and wandered off to find Mulder.

His study door was halfway open, and she leaned in, placing a hand on either side of the doorframe. Mulder hadn't noticed her yet, so she thought she'd stop to watch him work. He was reading intently at something on his computer screen, pausing every so often to scribble something on a pad of paper.

After several moments, Mulder finally did look up and grinned at her.

God she'd missed him.

"Good morning," he said, closing the lid to his laptop.

"Good morning yourself," she said coyly.

"There's coffee on the warmer, I made it a couple hours ago, if you want to get some."

"Okay," she said, disappearing into the kitchen.

Mulder heard her move about in the kitchen efficiently for a couple minutes. Then she returned to his study, coffee in hand, and sank into his couch.

Scully looked back at Mulder, not recognizing the expression on his face. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What is it?" she asked, sipping her coffee.

Mulder sighed. He didn't know how to go about this conversation but he knew they needed to have it.

"Scully, I miss you."

She smiled into her mug. "I missed you too, love."

Mulder frowned. "No, what I meant to say was, I miss YOU. I miss you all the time. And last night, seeing you so upset Scully… it tore me up in a way I can't explain. I know what goes through your mind every time you get close to one of those children. Scully, the way things are – it doesn't have to be like this."

Scully was quiet for a moment, not expecting this conversation at all.

"I… I have the next three days off?" she offered, not sure what to say.

"Until when, Scully? Next month?"

She sank further down into the couch. This conversation was a long time coming… several years in fact.

"Tell me Scully, what is it you get out of being there?" he asked quietly. "You can't say it's the paycheck when neither of us have to work basically for the rest of our lives. So tell me, what keeps you there, day in and day out?"

Scully struggled for words. She didn't know why she went. She knew she liked staying busy because it kept her mind of the darkness that nearly swallowed them whole in DC. She missed her mother.

"I'm scared to be happy, Mulder," she said, after awhile. "We haven't really talked about anything from before. We just kept moving, and that felt safe."

"Scully we can't just keep forgetting about our entire lives. This will bury us."

She bit her lip. He was right, of course.

"Before, I had William, but I didn't have you. Now we've made it to this side… I don't have William but I have you. It's like I am not allowed to be fully happy, like I've got some sort of debt to society I still have to pay."

Mulder made to speak, but Scully continued instead.

"I'm so scared of losing you too, that I just try not to rock the boat. Mulder, if I didn't have you, I wouldn't have anything."

"Scully, I'm right here, I've been right here for the past ten years, and I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

She swiped at a stray tear running down her cheek. She was run down. The dread that filled her when she thought of returning to work was inexplicable. But this was every time she thought about it though… so she just stopped thinking entirely.

"I guess I've been on autopilot all this time," she said, glumly. "I'm sorry, Mulder. Our life together was supposed to be happy."

At that, Mulder got up from his desk and joined Scully on the sofa. He pulled her to him, sitting her mug on the floor. He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, her eyes closing at the contact.

"I'm not unhappy Scully. I love you and we are together, and that is enough for me," he started, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. "But you aren't happy, and I know you aren't. I want to make you happy, Scully, if you'll let me."

God how she loved this man. "I want you to," she whispered. "Because I don't think I know how to let myself be happy."

He hugged her to him. They have been through so much, all these years. It was their time.


	3. Chapter 3

And high up above or down below  
>When you're too in love to let it go<br>But if you never try you'll never know  
>Just what you're worth<p>

Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you

-"Fix You", Coldplay

* * *

><p>"Are we okay, Scully?" Mulder said cautiously, leaning into the doorframe of their bedroom, watching Scully peel off her pajamas and put on her running shorts and a sports bra, then pulling a loose tank over top.<p>

Scully halted her ministrations at his words, and padded softly over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her face meeting his chest, kissing him there through his t-shirt in reassurance.

"Of course we are okay," she said sincerely, looking up at him now.

She touched his face. His face was riddled with concern. Mulder was terrified he'd opened Pandora's box with this conversation.

"I just want to go for a slow four-mile run and clear my head," she continued, Mulder's eyes meeting hers.

"I just don't want to upset you, Scully, I know you had a hard day yesterday, but it's just not fair to you, the way things are. We had to leave everything behind. The least we can do is try to be happy and not punish ourselves for the sins of others. It's not our cross to bear. We can move forward and salvage some sort of happiness, despite it all."

Scully smiled sadly at him. She had no idea he'd felt this way, all these years.

"Mulder, I love you. I love you so much. Things have to change – and they will change. For the better. I just need to sort my head first, become objective. And when I get home, we will talk. I promise."

She squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek gently to assure him.

Reluctantly, he watched her head off to go beat the street. Something he probably needed to go do himself. He headed down to his study to do some more research on his idea for when Scully returned to chat.

* * *

><p>Scully sighed contentedly as she began to pick up the pace of her run, letting the fresh air fill her lungs.<p>

Running has become her savior over time. Denver was a very outdoorsy city, and she and Mulder lived in a subdivision that had its own lake. There was a two and a half mile path that wound through the park, around the lake, and wove through the subdivision, and Scully loved to run it.

At first she let her mind wander to her operating room last night. She mulled over technical medical procedures, step-by-step, she thought about her successful perforated bowel repairs, she thought about what she could have done differently for Madison Enzo.

She beat herself up for about a mile and a half before she forcibly stopped herself, mentally. This was exactly what Mulder was talking about. So involved that she couldn't even focus on the task at hand. It was an interesting role-reversal. This was Mulder in the height of the X-Files.

Spotting a bench, she sat down. It was time to consider their conversation from earlier. It was clear there was a problem. Well, there were several. The main issue was that they hadn't stopped or even slowed down since DC. There were monumental, life-changing events that happened, and they'd not talked about them.

By the time Mulder had come back, it was clear where there feelings lie. Mulder, always the martyr, wanted to leave Scully out of all of it, to spare her, for a normal life. She didn't want normal, if it meant existing in a life where Fox Mulder did not. She did not think twice about going with him.

She closed her eyes and could vividly remember their conversation, as if it happened yesterday.

_I won't let you go alone_.

Tears sprang in her eyes. So rarely did she think about the past. She just wanted to continuously move forward and always hoped the past would sort itself out. But examining the very nature of she and Mulder's relationship, the very nature in which their love began, it was impossible to not deal with the past.

Their love wasn't something that was written in a sappy Danielle Steele novel. It wasn't something that a person would find on a Lifetime TV movie on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Their love was a dark love. It was born in fear, in death, and in tragedy.

Dark as it may be, it was a love Scully did not know existed. It was warm and gentile, it was a love that made her undoubtedly whole. They were each other's yin and yang.

So much tragedy. Mulder's sister, her sister, Mulder's parents, her father. Emily. Scully gave up William so that he would not be next. There were many others along the way. At one point their office burned to the ground – their life's very work. Yet they continued, and they gave until it nearly killed them both.

Life had been grim for so long. They were together now, and some things were unchangeable. She missed her mother and she missed William. She missed her brothers – even Bill. But for everyone's safety, she understood why things were the way they were.

But right in front of her was Mulder, and while they had a great relationship, she continued to sabotage her own happiness because she simply did not know how to be happy. She was used to the struggle, she didn't know how to exist outside the chaos and the sadness.

She sighed loudly and gazed across the lake. It was such a beautiful day – and it was such a shame to spend it apart right now.

Getting up, she bent over and touched her toes, stretching her hamstrings. It was time to finish this run and go back to Mulder.

She quickly found her rhythm, got her breathing under control, just as she was used to during her FBI days. Every third step a breath. It helped her pace and kept her relaxed.

Scully thought about what to do about work as began her two and a half mile journey back. She didn't want to just leave, but what about vacation? She wasn't sure if that was enough time. In fact, she knew a couple weeks off wouldn't scratch the surface.

A sabbatical! That is what she needed. It was in her contract. Because the hospital was affiliated with the university there in Denver, staff members were allowed to take a sabbatical after year five. She was pushing seven years with them, so she was definitely eligible. She thought the sabbatical had to do with research, but research was low-impact for her mind, it didn't require her emotions, it didn't require stress.

The street she and Mulder lived on was in sight now. Scully was thankful because she had basically sorted out all her thoughts.

Except for the obvious: how long? How long should she take a sabbatical?

Scully pondered this as she listened to her feet hit the ground, landing on the balls of her feet and stepping off again, in cadence with her breathing.

A year. She needed a year. She would take a year to try to fix herself, to fix her relationship with Mulder, and for them to both heal from past demons. When the year was up, they would both decide where to go from there.

She could see their house, and she could see Mulder standing on the porch, awaiting her. He was probably worried; she'd taken longer than she normally took because she stopped to sit for a while.

Slowing her pace to a jog, and then a walk, she finally stopped at the stairs, bounding up them.

"How was the run?" Mulder asked casually, sitting down on the porch swing, unconsciously cringing as it creaked.

"Slow but productive," she said, grabbing her left foot with her right hand, pulling it behind her to stretch her quads, balancing herself on the wooden fenced-in portion of their porch.

"Yeah? I was worried you weren't coming back," he joked, though a small part of him did wonder, since her run was about a half hour longer than usual.

"Of course I'd be back," she said, seriously. She stopped stretching to look at him. "There is no place I'd rather be."

Mulder smiled softly at her. "So…"

She chuckled at him. Task-oriented, per usual.

"So I decided I am going to take a sabbatical. I want to work on us. I feel like we have been moving perpetually forward – very quickly – with no time to enjoy us, in the here and now. I want to work on me, on being happy."

Mulder's jaw dropped. "How long?"

"A year," she returned, coolly.

Mulder was shocked. He had been conjuring up counter arguments for why she should take time off, for why this issue shouldn't be swept under the rug the entire time she was out.

He attempted to respond, but was still shocked as hell.

Scully cocked a wry eyebrow at him. "Your response is overwhelming, Mulder."

He stood up from the swing, grimacing as it swung back and hit the backs of his knees as he stood. Mulder pulled her roughly to him. "Thank you," he whispered into her neck, the baby fine hair tickling his mouth as he spoke.

She was sweaty from the run, but he didn't care. He felt excited, like life was suddenly taken off the autopilot mode, making anything possible.

Her stomach growled in protest, interrupting them. They both laughed, welcoming the break in the tension.

"It's time to feed the beast," Mulder joked, taking her hand and tugging her inside.

Scully sat on a barstool and leaned on the counter, balancing on her elbows, as she watched Mulder move efficiently in the kitchen, making them lunch. Just watching him move, to take care of them, she knew she'd made the right decision.

"So, I was thinking, Scully…."

"Uh-oh, that's a dangerous thing."

Mulder smirked at that. "Yeah, yeah, everyone's a comedian today."

He put a plate of food in front of her, then turned to the fridge. "Drink?"

"Diet coke, please."

He retrieved two cans from fridge, and sat next to her with his own plate.

"No, seriously, Scully… what do you want do on this sabbatical?"

"I told you – spend time with you, work on us, work on me."

"I have a feeling that could get old, us sitting here for a year, picking each other's brains…"

It was Scully's turn to smirk. "Well I have plenty of other things I'd like to do with you…"

Mulder's eyes closed at the innuendo. They had a healthy sex life, but her job prevented them both from making love as much as they wanted. It was good and it was bad. It was bad because Mulder could be inside her every waking moment of the day, and it'd not be enough. It was good in that their quality of sex was generally nothing short of mind-blowing. What it lacked in quantity sure as hell was made up for in quality.

"Mulder?"

He shook his head, trying to stay on point.

"Sorry, Scully," he grinned sheepishly. "It's been a minute…"

Knowing full well what he meant, she smiled back sweetly. "Good thing I have plans for you tonight."

He has known Scully nearly twenty years, and they've been lovers over half that time, and it still blew his mind how just her words could turn him on.

She placed her hand on his. "Okay, what were you trying to tell me, before I interrupted?"

"What if we went to Europe, Scully?"

She mulled the idea over in her head. "You mean, for vacation?"

He shook his head. "No, I mean for your whole sabbatical."

Scully's eyes got wide. Certainly they had the money to do it, it just seemed so drastic. But maybe that is what they needed… drastic.

"You don't have to answer now, but thought it was a good idea… get out of here, away from the familiar, be ourselves. Europe is so romantic, Jesus Scully, our relationship had such strange beginnings, I didn't get to take you anywhere. I want to kiss you under the Eiffel Tower. I want to take a gondola through the canals of Venice with you. I want to eat dinner too late with you, stay out drinking too much wine at an al fresco restaurant in Spain."

Scully's heart raced at the prospect. Fox Mulder wanted to court her. Bless this sweet man.

"Just think about it, Scully. I know we are at this place because you don't think you deserve to be happy, but baby you do deserve it. You are so strong; you've worked so hard since I've known you. You're a good person who deserves good things. I want to give them to you more than you can imagine. We deserve the happily ever after, even if it isn't how we thought it would be before we left DC."

She put her fork down and turned to look at him, tears welling in her eyes.

"Yes," she said simply. "Please. Let's go as soon as we can."

This was a dream. She could remember the times in undergrad where all her friends would do a semester abroad, and she longed to do the same. But she was a dutiful and dedicated pre-med student who, instead, spend her summers interning physicians or doing organic chemistry research with a faculty member. It sure paid off, because here she was at the crossroads of leaving medicine forever. Life is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow.

"Really?" Mulder said, amazed.

"God Mulder, I've longed to do this forever, to break out of my methodical shell and just exist, just live life. We have this opportunity, let's take it."

Mulder's heart soared. He could hardly believe she was so easily agreeing to his wild idea of picking up and going to Europe for some unspecified amount of time. Not only did they need this, they deserved this.

"What's the best way to go about this?" she asked, pausing to chew her lunch. "I think traveling all the time will get exhausting after about a month."

"I agree. What if we get an apartment somewhere, like short-term, somewhere? Explore the surrounding area and move on when we're done?"

"Can you do that? I mean, aren't there lease terms and all that associated with apartments?"

Mulder shook his head. "Europe is very different in the way they do things. We did this one summer when I was at Oxford. The guys I lived with and I rented a flat in Prague for a month then left and moved on to greener pastures when we were done. People are always looking to rent or sublease for a term less than six months."

Scully was silent, thinking about this. The more she thought about it, the more excited she was.

"Which leaves the question," Mulder began, getting up from the barstool and taking his and Scully's plates to the sink. "Where to first?"

Scully pondered this for a moment before speaking. Her voice dropped an octave when she said, "I think the best place to start is the bedroom. Now."


	4. Chapter 4

You got a fast car  
>But is it fast enough so we can fly away<br>We gotta make a decision  
>We leave tonight or live and die this way<p>

Say remember when we were driving, driving in your car  
>Speeds so fast it felt like I was drunk<br>City lights lay out before us  
>And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder<br>And I had a feeling that I belonged  
>I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone<br>- "Fast Car", Tracy Chapman

* * *

><p>Spent, Mulder rolls over in bed, on his side now, facing Scully. "Wow Scully," he panted. "That was definitely not something I ever imagined to be in your repertoire."<p>

Scully smirked. "I surprised myself, actually."

He leaned over and kissed her tenderly. She placed her hand on the back of his head, drawing him closer, pulling him on top of her again. Her soul ached for him. It was so weird to be right in someone's presence, and to just burn up in it.

Although neither of them were ready for round two, they kissed lazily in bed until Scully finally put a stop to it. She hadn't showered since her run. In her forty-something odd years of existence, she's never had sex after working out. The notion grossed her out, but today it was a necessity.

Gross or not, it ignited something in Mulder, who now followed her to the shower, unable to stop touching her.

This was fun; it felt like being in the infancy, in the honeymoon phase of a relationship – something they didn't get the luxury of enjoying so many years ago. Now the future, while not uncertain, it held an aire of mystery to it.

After showering, the pair found themselves back in Mulder's study, assuming the usual positions – Mulder at his desk, and Scully horizontal on the sofa.

"Mulder, what are we doing to do with the house while we are gone? We aren't selling it. I can sign up for some unpredictability, but this is our home!"

"Scully, calm down, we aren't selling the house. We can't let it sit though, unless we hire someone to check on things once a week or so."

She toyed with a long crimson lock of hair thoughtfully for several moments. "We have new residents who would probably enjoy living in a nice place so close to the hospital. I could see if we could rent out a few of the bedrooms to them when I go in Tuesday to talk to the chief."

"Hmm, good call," Mulder said, distractedly.

Scully peered up at him after he was silent for several moments

"So what kind of timeline are we looking at?"

Mulder smiled inwardly. Scully would always be the organizer, and there wasn't a sabbatical in the world long enough to break that habit. It was okay though, it kept him in check most times.

"You tell me. Once you are able to get the paperwork in and approved we can make firm plans."

Scully's eyebrows furrowed as she thought silently. She didn't know the specifics of the process but she did know that a colleague of hers had her sabbatical paperwork approved rather quickly. It's all about how you package it. Scully, not one for sympathy struggled with how to even approach it. She did know there were a few PDF forms to fill out ahead of time, which she would do when she went back to work and could print them out from the hospital's intranet.

She didn't go back til Tuesday, but she was considering spending Monday at the hospital, checking in with her boss, the chief of surgery, and getting the ball rolling.

Scully and Chief Jackson had a very amicable relationship. He was a jolly, round, balding man in his early sixties. While many chiefs of surgery Scully had encountered in her career seemed to be stressed out and incredibly unavailable, Chief Jackson was always in good spirits and had a very open-door policy with his stuff. It was on of the reasons why Scully stuck around that particular hospital instead of advancing her career elsewhere. The Chief was quite impressed with her skillset and her unique professional background from day one. The Chief also appreciated Scully's military family history. The Chief's brother was a West Point graduate and was a very talented flight surgeon, until an injury jumping out of airplanes forced him into early retirement.

His guidance was something she appreciated in her time there at Priest River and she hoped the process of the sabbatical wouldn't take too long. She was ready to get moving.

"I think it won't be too complicated," she said finally, stretching her arms over her head and snuggling deeper into the couch. "I know someone who had their paperwork approved in two weeks."

Mulder relaxed at that thought. He didn't want the hospital to drag their feet and Scully change her mind after six months of nothing.

"Well, I want to start looking for places now, just to get an idea of what is available, because once your are good to go, it's going to start moving fast, so best to get the ball rolling now."

"Are our passports good to go?" She couldn't remember when it was they'd renewed them. That would be another six or so weeks if they had expired.

"Yep," he said, distractedly, looking for something in his desk drawer. "Remember when we almost went to Antigua?"

Scully frowned. Mulder wanted to take her to Antigua as an anniversary surprise, he'd planned everything, and she cancelled because of work. It's that kind of stuff that ate away at her forever. She was tired of disappointing him and she was tired of disappointing herself.

Mulder sensed the shift in mood of the room and immediately felt terrible for bringing it up.

"Scully I'm sorry," he said, frowning and resting his chin on his hands, propping himself up by his elbows. "I didn't realize..."

She shook her head. "This is why we're doing this, Mulder. Don't be sorry. Please tell me when I hurt you, tell me every time I do it. I don't always know, and I never want to hurt you. It kills me we've been like this for years, and I was too scared and too proud to take care of it. You deserve better than that."

Feeling guilty and sad, she got up from the couch and leaving Mulder in his study as she headed down to their bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her. She needed a moment - or ten - alone to just waddle in this sadness for a bit. It was self-flagellation in its most basic form. It was like she couldn't stop punishing herself. And in doing that, she was punishing Mulder too. The feeling of guilt was positively overwhelming. How could she have not known, all this time, that he was hurting too? How could she put on the blinders, and go through the motions of life for a decade?

Scully curled up on their bed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it closely. It smelled of laundry detergent and of Mulder, which made her even sadder. Tears welled up in her eyes. She'd officially become the worst version of herself.

About ten minutes passed, Scully didn't indulge herself enough to cry like she needed - she simply stared at the wall listlessly, trying to process how they got to this place.

Mulder stood outside their bedroom door, trying to find the right time to come in. He didn't hear her crying, but he heard a sniffle from time to time, and he knew she was hurting. He wished they could be gone now, so this darkness would go away and stop hanging over their heads like a storm cloud. It followed them, relentlessly, wherever they went. And it was time to face it head-on so they could move on from this.

He knocked softly on the door. "Baby...?"

He heard her clear her throat and then her familiar alto. "You can come in."

When he opened the door, he found her in the fetal position on their bed, hugging a pillow, and staring out the window. His heart broke. Wordlessly, he climbed into bed and crawled up next to her, pulling her small frame to him, tossing the pillow, and cradling her. She clung to him desperately.

"Oh Mulder," she cried. "I'm so sorry. I don't know how or when we arrived to this place, but I never meant to hurt you."

He placed his hands on either side of her face, steadying her, brushing her tears with his thumbs.

"You listen to me, Scully," he whispered in a hushed tone. "I'm not unhappy, I've never been unhappy, and I do not regret our life together. Being with you, in this way… I haven't thought about anyone else in years. And here we are. That's enough for me."

She nodded silently, her heart in her throat.

"I hurt because I know that you hurt. I see it in your eyes all the time. We haven't dealt with anything from the past. I just want to fix this; I want to make you so happy, I don't want you to feel like life has to be so hard. That's all."

Scully buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, closing her eyes. The way she loved this man, she loved him in a way that she didn't think she was capable of at times. She was so scared Mulder was unhappy with her to the point of leaving. Fear never had any logic. And even so, there they were.

"I'm so afraid of messing this up," she whispered, avoiding the innate urge to hide her feelings from him.

"Never," he said harshly, slanting his mouth over hers.

She kissed him back with a fierce reciprocity, vowing to not hide from him anymore.

Together they are stronger.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, the pair headed out for what Scully liked to refer to as "date night". Which meant they headed out to eat somewhere in downtown Denver. Tonight's dinner choice was their favorite Irish pub that they frequented.<p>

They slid into the booth their server led them to and perused the menu.

"Can I get you guys something to drink? All draft beer is half off for another half hour."

Scully paused for a moment, considering a beer.

"I'll take a Blue Moon, please."

Mulder raised a surprised eyebrow at her. She didn't drink much, but there was nothing sexier than Scully drinking beer with him, for whatever reason.

"Sixteen or twenty-two ounce?"

"Twenty-two," she replied, without missing a beat.

"Hoo-wee, Scully!" he joked. He looked up at the waitress. "I'll have Guinness, twenty-two ounce."

Their server scurried away to get their drinks. Mulder placed his hand over hers and smiled warmly.

"So what should we put on our itinerary, Scully?"

She paused thoughtfully. "I've never been abroad so I don't know much about the usual suspects – Paris, Rome, London, and so on."

"Is there anywhere you've always wanted to go?"

"Spain," she answered almost immediately. "Germany. Italy. What about you?"

"I want to take you to Paris. I've been all over the UK while I was at Oxford. Maybe the Greek Isles?"

Scully sighed contentedly at this idea. She wished they were leaving tonight. Now.

The rest of their date was spent talking travel plans and relaxing. Scully was beginning to feel like herself again. She realized that they would get through this together, because together they were stronger. The consortium tried this divide-and-conquer method their entire careers. It only brought them closer. Despite their heartaches, Scully was determined that they would be the ones having the last laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

**I know, I know. I've been so neglectful of writing lately. Expect more updates from me, as I've arranged my schedule so I am able to take time out for things I enjoy doing (aka, writing!). Also, fellow X-Philes, keep Gillian Anderson and her family in your thoughts and prayers, as her brother Aaron passed away few weeks ago from a rare brain cancer. He was only thirty.**

* * *

><p>We could probably fix it if we clean it up all day<br>Or we could simply pack our bags  
>And catch a plane to Barcelona 'cause this city's a drag<p>

I may take a holiday in Spain  
>Leave my wings behind me<br>Flush my worries down the drain  
>And fly away to somewhere new<p>

-"Holiday in Spain", Counting Crows

* * *

><p><strong>August 2<strong>**nd**

**Denver, CO**

"Did you bring our passports?" Scully asked worriedly, as they stepped out of the cab and onto the curb of Denver International Airport.

"Yes, dear," he returned playfully, tossing the cab driver a twenty after he'd unloaded their bags onto the curb.

A month had passed since the sat at the pub, anxiously planning their Europe sabbatical. Scully had gone in to visit the Chief the very next day, on her day off. They mutually agreed on a year long sabbatical in which Scully had to peer-review one scholarly journal article per month and publish her findings. That day he was able to give her a tentative start date for her sabbatical. Pending no issues with her paperwork, she'd be ready to go in three weeks.

She immediately took the news home to Mulder. They sat up until very late that night figuring out where to go and a place to live. Collectively, they'd settled on heading to Barcelona, Spain and everything else after that would be on the fly. This made Scully's habitual planning, Type-A personality a bit squeamish, but she was going to go with it. They'd found a cozy apartment above a bakery in the Sants-Montjuïc district, a seaside district of Barcelona. It was a bit more modern than other areas, such as Ciutat Vella, which was Barcelona's Old Town.

Knowing Scully's fond memories of living on the ocean in San Diego with her family, he thought Barcelona was a good place to start. Barcelona was beautiful and romantic, and it was just a short train ride to other places in Spain, like Madrid and Valencia.

They were only bringing one bag apiece – that was Mulder's rule. She'd looked at him incredulously when he suggested this, but he swore she'd thank him after having to only lug one bag from city to city. Mulder's time abroad back in his college years thankfully came in handy. They brought the essentials and figured they'd buy whatever else they needed as they went.

Mulder placed his hand in the familiar small of her back, and guided her through the airport, until they reached the Delta check-in area. Although it was early evening, it was still a bit crowded. There were a few people in front of them, waiting on the self-check-in kiosks.

Setting her roller suitcase upright, off its wheels, Scully surveyed the busy airport. People were coming and going to their various destinations. It felt surprisingly good to Scully to be one of those "going" people. Especially with Mulder. Together.

An overwhelming feeling of love and adoration for Mulder washed over her, as she began to understand just what Mulder had done for her, put side for her – for them. It was so like Mulder to know what she was silently going through and to something about it. He was right, of course. They needed this time… Hell, _she _needed this time.

Giving into her feelings, she leaned into Mulder, wrapping her arms around his waist and nuzzled her face into his warm chest.

Mulder smiled at the gesture and stroked her hair, returning the embrace.

"Mmm Scully," he sighed.

They stayed that way until the line began to move. Eventually it was their turn at the self-check-in kiosk. Mulder painlessly checked them in and printed their boarding passes, then got back in line to tag and check their bags.

"You know, I wish they had those kiosks back when we were traveling all the time with the Bureau," Mulder joked. "I was less of a people person in those days."

"You don't say," Scully mused, raising an eyebrow at him.

It was rare she or Mulder brought up back then, even in jest. Scully's knee-jerk response was to change the subject quickly. But, heeding Mulder's advice, she instead did nothing, allowing herself to indulge in a brief flashback or two.

The first thing that floated into her mind was the first time Mulder took her to see the Lone Gunmen. A smile touched her lips. As much as she complained and as much as she thought they were paranoid hackers, those guys were some of the very few people they could trust. Remembering their sacrifice then, a pang of sadness hit Scully. They died protecting the very thing they believed in. In many ways they reminded her of Mulder. Mulder was gone when they died, and Scully went to their funeral on both of their behalf.

"What are you thinking about Scully?" asked Mulder, as they now waited in line at security.

Toeing off her shoes and taking her laptop out of her carryon, she set the items in the bin then turned back to Mulder.

"I was thinking of the guys."

Mulder raised an eyebrow at that. "The gunmen?"

"Yeah. I miss them."

A small smile tugged at Mulder's lips – partially at the memory of his only other friends besides Scully from his adult life, but mostly because for the first time in years, he'd gotten Scully to talk about the past.

"You know Scully," he said, unsure of whether or not he should bring this story up, given the reference to her abduction. "When you were returned after… Duane Berry…"

Scully winced at the name. Her eyes looked at him questionably, wondering what Duane Berry had to do with the gunmen.

Mulder continued anyway. "You were taken off the respirator and your sister called me in to come be with you. I was giving your mom and sister some time with you, alone, and while I'm in the hospital hallway, Frohike strolls up."

Scully chuckled. "What? You never told me this before!"

"He was wearing a tux, Scully," Mulder said with a smirk. "And he was holding about two dozen red roses for you."

"What!" she said, bursting out laughing. "Mulder, that's ridiculous. Why was he wearing a tux?"

Mulder was pleased at her reaction. He was unsure how she'd do with diving into an abduction mention. He wanted to take these reintroductions to the past slowly. Baby steps.

An hour later, they boarded their flight to Minneapolis and were settled into their seats. Their journey took them from Denver to Minneapolis, with a short layover. Then from Minneapolis to JFK in New York, and then onto Barcelona. It was going to be a long flight.

* * *

><p><strong>August 3<strong>**rd**

**En route to Barcelona, Spain**

About fourteen hours later, they were making their final descent into Barcelona. Mulder turned in his seat to look at Scully, who was pacefully sleeping.

A sleeping Scully was something Mulder always loved to watch. When she slept, she looked so carefree, her jaw slack, worry-free. She didn't look tense or guarded like she often did when she was awake.

She was sleeping with her back against the wall/window of the plane, her head tilted so her face was resting on the side of the seat. One leg was curled up underneath her and the other stretched out, her toes grazing Mulder's thigh.

He smiled at her. They were fortunate enough to get an entire row to themselves. They spent the first leg of the trip chatting, the second leg working on crossword puzzles, and this last leg they made an attempt to sleep the whole duration from JFK to Barcelona. Mulder got about four solid hours of sleep. When they came around handing out customs forms about an hour out, he took one look at a peacefully sleeping Scully and decided not to wake her. He filled her stuff out for her and let her sleep. Unfortunately, it was time to wake her up now.

Mulder placed a warm hand on her bare calf. Her skin was cool to his touch, but she did not stir.

"Scully?" he said, shaking her calf lightly. "We're landing soon…"

Her eyes fluttered open and she leaned forward, twisting and stretching out her shoulders and back.

"Did you sleep any?" she asked, her voice light and airy with sleep.

"About four hours."

A look of concern furrowed in her brows. "Is that enough sleep?"

He smiled at the gesture. "Scully, you know me, I can function well on little to no sleep."

She smiled softly at him.

The bump of the airplane landing on the runway startled them both. Scully leaned down and began gathering her things up.

Fifteen minutes later the pair were walking hand-in-hand towards the baggage claim. The Barcelona looked like any other airport Scully had been to over the years. The only difference was signs were in both English and Spanish. Scully wasn't sure what she was expecting to see, but she was simultaneously disappointed and relieved that it felt so familiar.

The pair sat at their baggage carousel, waiting for their bags. Mulder draped his arm around Scully's shoulders, and she turned into him, nuzzling him.

"Are we getting a cab?" Scully asked.

"We probably should," he responded, reaching up to grab Scully's bag as he saw it from the conveyor belt. "It'll be a hassle to take our roller bags on the metro this early in the morning with commuters."

After all their bags were acquired, they moved out towards the signs pointing to the taxis. They waited in a short line and finally got in one.

"Cuarenta y cuatro, Carrer de Piquer," Mulder said in Spanish to the taxi driver, hoping he said it correctly. Scully smirked at his weird Spanglish accent.

The cab driver nodded, so he knew something must have made sense. Scully rolled down her window and tried her best not to gawk like a tourist, but the views of Barcelona were beyond her wildest dreams.

"Mulder, this place is beyond gorgeous… I don't even know what to say."

Mulder smiled, scooting closer to Scully so he could see out her window too.

"I thought you'd love it here, that's why I wanted to come here first."

She squeezed his hand. "Ya did good, Mulder."

The cab driver took an exit and got on what would be an interstate or expressway in America. The route took them alongside of the Mediterranean Sea, and Scully nearly swooned at the sight of the water. It'd been far too long since she's seen the sea.

At last, the cab turned onto their street and slowed in front of the address Mulder had given him. They got out of the cab, the driver unloaded their bags from the trunk, and Mulder handed him thirty euros, and he was off, leaving them there.

"We're here…I think," Mulder deadpanned.

The street was narrow with lots of green and trees. It reminded Scully a bit of the Upper East Side of New York City. The weather was hot but breezy from the sea. It felt perfect to Scully.

"Is this us?" she asked, pointing to the white balcony above the bakery.

"Sure is," he said, moving towards the bakery entrance. "Will you stay here with our stuff? I am going to run in and get the key."

The people who owned the bakery also owned the space above it. They lived elsewhere apparently and made extra money off subleasing the place to travelers. The door to the apartment, fortunately, was situated adjacent to the entrance to the bakery so they didn't have to trample through the bakery when going in and out of the place.

About ten minutes passed before Mulder returned from the bakery, keys in hand, along with a white grocery bag full of something.

"Good to go?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep, really nice folks in there. Got a bunch of free pastries too!"

"Thank god, I just realized I am starving," she said.

Mulder slid the key in the lock and they lugged their bags up a set of narrow wooden stairs. Once they reached the top of the stairs, they passed through the doorway and into the cozy, furnished apartment. It was a very light room, lots of white furniture, the walls a lighter yellow-green color with white trim. Directly ahead of them was a set of French doors, which lead out to a small balcony.

"Whaddya think, Scully?" asked Mulder, setting the bag of pastries in the kitchen and pulling one out for Scully.

"I think it's a good find," she said, biting into her pastry. "Let's check out the bedroom and bathroom before I make my final verdict."

With that, they made their way down the hall. There was a small bathroom to the immediate right. It had an older white tub, which Scully could appreciate. It had everything they'd need for the next month or so, anyway. The bedroom was smallish as well – much smaller than the one in their suburban home back in Denver. It was charming though, with a canopy bed and a small sitting area next to another set of French doors, clad in long flowing, white curtains. These doors let out to another tiny balcony.

Scully sighed contentedly and sank back in the bed, closing her eyes.

"Thank you for pushing this envelope, Mulder. Even though my whole body aches and I'm jet-lagged as hell, I feel like a million bucks."

Mulder appeared from the other side of the room, positioning himself on top of her, kissing her gently, feathering soft kisses around her jawline. Scully moaned quietly in response.

"Mmm Scully," he whispered.

She pulled him closer to him, toeing her shoes off.

"Wanna make love but I am so tired…" she murmured into his neck.

"Ditto," he said, getting back to pull the covers back so they could slide in. Scully immediately snuggled up next to him.

"Nap for a bit then go out for a late lunch?"

"Mmm perfect," Mulder said, sleepily. "I love you, Scully."

She smiled up at him. "And I love you."

And they slept.


	6. Chapter 6

You move in closer  
>I feel you breathe<br>It's like the world just disappears when you around me oh

Cause the way that we touch is something that we can't deny oh yeah  
>And the way that you move oh you make me feel alive so<br>Come on

* * *

><p><strong>August 15<strong>**th**

**Valencia, Spain**

"What are you getting, Scully?" asked Mulder, paging through his menu.

Scully was thoughtful for a moment. Tonight was their first night in Valencia. They'd been in Barcelona for two weeks, enjoying the sightseeing and most especially – the sea. But Mulder insisted on a little romantic getaway to Valencia, and now here they were, at a very nice little restaurant, dining al fresco. And she felt like going for the gusto.

"Let's get paella," she said finally, her eyes glittering, feeling like there was a challenge to be had.

Mulder smiled. "Wine?"

"Are you feeling red or white tonight?"

"Hmm… white."

"Sauvignon blanc?"

"Done."

Scully's attention focused on the beauty that was Valencia. The place they were dining at was situated on a narrow cobblestone street, tucked away from the bustling parts of the city. The restaurant was cozy and intimate. It was late, probably eight-thirty, but these days they always ate late – seemed to be part of the culture in Europe. Their table was smaller, and only about a dozen tables were outdoors. No cover over them, as it was just starting to get dark. Scully noticed a string of lanterns illuminating their area. It was simply perfect.

The past two weeks had been a blast. While they'd not really discussed much like they intended to on this trip, they genuinely enjoyed the company of each other, in an open capacity in which they never really had before. Mulder took Scully to see the big ships in the harbor in Barcelona and to the big gothic cathedrals. It took seeing Scully's face full of wonder in a cathedral, in awe of the magnificent stained glass windows and the architecture in general before Mulder realized he needed to add Italy to their to-do list. He knew for sure she'd love to see the Vatican, the devout Catholic she was.

Now in Valencia, tonight, Mulder felt like he was looking at a new person. Scully was clad in a beautiful sundress she'd bought back in Barcelona. It was a floral pattern, sleeveless, and a bit lower cut than she'd normally worn, revealing the swells of her breasts, making Mulder's mind float elsewhere. This morning, before they'd left for the train, Scully put her hair up wet, completely with a fat side braid. Between air-drying and the sea breeze in Valencia, it looked a bit messy and wavy as it was up. She wore light makeup, and when she looked at Mulder, her eyes had a softness to them he was positive he'd not seen in over a decade.

He smiled at her. Christ, he was happy.

"What?" she asked, smiling back at him.

"Nothing, Scully, just enjoying seeing you so relaxed and happy, that's all," he said, nodding at their server who brought their wine and a basket of bread.

She took a very large sip of her wine, more than satisfied at the taste. Spain had the best wine she'd ever had in her life. Scully didn't normally drink often, but out here, she had a glass nearly every night with dinner.

"It has been awhile, hasn't it?" she said.

"It's like seeing the sun come out from behind a cloud."

Scully was thoughtful for a moment. She was experiencing a lot of different feelings being out here with him. Mulder had been so sweet, as if he were making up for the things they never got to do in their relationship's infancy. Scully was enjoying it beyond words. But that constant stab of guilt poked at her when she felt like she was enjoying herself too much.

"Euro for your thoughts, Scully," Mulder said, grazing his finger lightly over her cheek.

She shivered as his touch and sighed lightly. "I'm just… working really hard to allow myself to be happy. Who would have thought it would be so hard in a place like this?"

Mulder's brow furrowed. "Are you unhappy here, Scully?"

She shook her head vehemently. "On the contrary Mulder, I've never been happier in my life, I think."

"So what's blocking you from allowing yourself to enjoy it fully?"

She reached out and placed her hand over his warm hand resting on the table. "Guilt works its way in every time."

"Guilt about what?"

She looked at him pointedly. "You know what, Mulder," she said softly, looking down then at their joined hands.

Mulder knew deep down what stopped her from enjoying herself now, and partially what haunted her back in Colorado. The same thing that has been haunting her since they left DC. William.

Truth was, he haunted Mulder too, but he knew Scully had a connection with William that Mulder only longed to have. He couldn't imagine how hard it was for Scully to deal with it.

He scooted his chair closer to her. "Listen to me, Scully," he said, turning towards her. "I know what is tormenting you. It torments me too, and I know it's worse for you. I want you to let it go, every time that thought, that guilt approaches you. Scully you gave him up so he didn't have to go through the things you went through, that Samantha went through. We both wanted a normal life for him. I think of our son every day, knowing how old he is now, wondering how he's doing, what he likes to do, if he likes to play basketball like his old man. You are an amazing mother to him, Scully. We played with the hand we were dealt.

"I can't promise you it's going to be easy to move past William, Scully, and I am not saying we should forget him – we could never. But there will come a time where you will be about to think about it and it won't hurt. And it may feel worse before it feels better. But you need to stop punishing yourself. I just need you to trust me in this. It will get better. Okay?"

Scully's eyes welled with tears and she struggled a grimace, willing herself not to cry. Mulder said exactly what she needed to hear. Moving on was hard work, but her current path of destruction was tiresome. It was time.

"Thank you," she whispered, swiping at an errant tear.

"I love you, Scully. No tears tonight. Only happy ones. So let's eat, drink, and be merry."

Scully giggled, despite herself. "You know what that makes me think of?"

"What?" he asked, making room on the table as their server brought their paella. He turned to the server. "Por favor, una otra botella de vino?"

Their server smiled at his stab in the dark at Spanish. "Por supuesto."

"Sorry, Scully, what were you saying?"

"Remember when you took me to hit baseballs that one night?"

Mulder grinned. "Hips before hands, Scully."

She blushed at the memory of her ass pressed directly into his groin, his hands on her hips. Scully remembered how she felt then, and how she felt way before that moment. "That was a good night."

"It was difficult to stay focused on the task at hand, if I remember correctly," he said, chucking.

She cocked her eyebrow at him.

Mulder paused then, wondering how to ask her the question on his mind. They'd been together so long, but everything about their relationship was so backwards – they never talked much about things before. He wanted to know.

"When did you know, Scully? About us, I mean."

Scully poured herself another glass of wine and thought carefully about her answer. It was hard to pinpoint. She'd loved him for so long.

"I think it was a slow build for me," she said, honestly. "When I was in Duane Berry's trunk, my initial panic was I'd never see you again. When I was in Donnie Pfaster's closet, I was scared I'd die and you'd never know I had this thing for you. And then when we were in the hospital together after Missy had died… I didn't want anyone's comfort but yours. This stuff built and built, each harrowing event we went through solidifying how I felt even more. Until one day it dawned on me that there was no one else for me. Of course I could never tell you because I didn't know how you felt."

Mulder's heart swelled in his chest at her admission. He felt good knowing it was early on for her too. Sometimes Mulder felt pathetic, the way he felt for Scully, especially back then. He was hopeless, even then.

She pushed around the rice on her plate with her fork, thinking. "When did you know?"

"There was an immediate attraction," he said, polishing off another glass of wine. He refilled his glass and topped off Scully's.

She smirked at that; her head feeling heavy yet so very light from all the wine.

"But like you, it built over time. When you were returned after Duane Berry, Scully I swear to god I almost told you then, but I was scared. When you got cancer, I hated myself for never telling you and almost told you then too, but I was more concerned with finding the cure at the time. Then after that was this big series of unfortunate events… and I tried so many times and failed. And now I want to tell you how much I love you all the time, until you're sick of hearing it, to make up for it."

Touching his face with her hand, she grinned. "We're pathetic, Mulder."

"I don't care," he said, leaning towards her to nuzzle her neck.

Unexpectedly, Scully began to giggle uncontrollably. Mulder pulled back a little, confused by her response.

She turned her head towards him, and whispered, "Mulder."

"What?"

"I think I'm drunk."

With that, they both burst out laughing hysterically.

"Oh Jesus Scully," Mulder laughed. "I don't think in the eighteen years I've known you, that I've ever seen you drunk."

"Let's goooooooooo!" she said, standing up and tugging him with her.

"Wait, we gotta pay!"

"So drop the money at the table Mulderrrrr," she said, almost whining, but the grinning expression on her face telling him a whole other story.

After the pair had settled the bill, Mulder linked arms with Scully and they made their way back down the narrow cobblestone street, which was now dark, as it was probably pretty late.

Out of nowhere, Mulder felt her tug at him, and the next thing he knew, her back was pressed up against the wall of a building of this poorly lit street and she pulled him into her, his groin bumping hers, and they both moaned in unison.

"Oh god, Mulder, touch me, pleeeeeease," she moaned breathlessly.

"Scully we can't out here!" Mulder hissed, nearly amused by this clear role reversal.

Refusing to accept no for an answer, she slanted her mouth over his, delivering a hot, searing kiss. Just as Mulder began to return the sentiment, she broke the kiss, now feathering light kisses along his jawline, moving up to his ear, tracing the curves of it lightly with her tongue.

Mulder groaned and pressed her back into the wall, sliding his hand over her thigh, and finding the hem of her dress. Before he moved any further, his eyes darted around the area, ensuring they were still alone. Satisfied, he slid his hand under the hem, his fingertips grazing her smooth, toned thigh. He wasted no time finding her juncture, yanking her panties aside, and plunging two fingers inside of her skillfully, sending waves of delight up Scully's spine.

Scully moaned so loudly Mulder almost called the whole thing off. But he was taken aback by how wet he found her that it was all he could focus on. He moved his fingers in and out of her rhythmically, until he felt her hands slide into the waistband of his pants and began to knowingly stroke the length of him.

"Stop. Now," he growled dangerously.

She complied, tossing a predatory look at him. He knew that he needed to get them back to their hotel room as quickly as humanly possible. Mulder felt like he may come just from the way she was looking at him.

Extracting his fingers from her, he smoothed her dress down and nearly yanked her down the street. He caught the first cab he saw and urgently told the cab driver the address to the hotel.

In the back seat of the cab, Scully slid right up next to Mulder, bringing one leg up over his, turning inward towards him, her right arm across his chest, and her lips directly at his ear. She began whispering things into his ear that only Mulder could hear.

"When we to the room, I want you to fuck me up against the door, like you just can't possibly wait another second to fuck me," she hissed, her voice dripping with arousal.

Mulder's mouth went dry at her words. He had never seen Scully so aggressive. He knew she was pretty buzzed from the wine and her inhibitions down. Mulder was positive he'd never been this turned on in his entire life.

"Mmm tell me what else you are thinking, Scully," he whispered back, his voice like gravel.

"I'm thinking about how amazing your cock will feel inside me," she said darkly. "No one has ever fucked me the way you do."

"Tell me how you want it… up against the door and then what?"

Scully's tongue began tracing the lines of Mulder's ear. He bit his tongue, hard. Otherwise he would have groaned loud enough for all of Spain to hear.

"I want it up against the door, and then I want you to push me down into the bed and take me from behind," she whispered, accentuating the syllables so her breath was sure to tickle Mulder's ear.

Mulder cocked an eyebrow at her choice of words. Taken. Did she want to be taken? He remembered something he'd heard once many years ago… a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. He'd definitely have to discuss this with Scully later, though he knew she wasn't actually drunk. She was buzzed from the four glasses of wine she had, and Mulder was enjoying it.

"Is that what you want, Scully?" he asked, his breath ragged now. He boldly placed his hand on her breast, not giving a shit if the cab driver knew what was going on. He rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. "Do you want to be taken? Do you want me to take the decision from you?"

"Yesssssssss," she hissed. "Mulder honestly if we aren't there soon, I may die."

Mulder chuckled. Fortunately, the cab, as if on cue, pulled up to their hotel. Mulder slid out, pulling her along with him. He didn't even listen to how much the far was. He shoved a wad of Euros at the guy and the pair made a beeline for the hotel.

Just another night in Spain._  
><em>


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: I am really in the zone with this story (hence the two chapter in a row update!) and I'm enjoying where it's going. Hope you guys are enjoying it too. It's just blurbs here and there of their time, because if I accounted for the whole time, it may be exhausting and no one wants to read that haha. But I've got some good stuff planned for this story, so hopefully you all like it. Thanks again for reading and for the reviews and PMs! :)**

* * *

><p>I can't see the stars anymore living here<br>Let's go to the hills where the outlines are clear

Bring on the wonder  
>Bring on the song<br>I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long

I don't have the time for a drink from the cup  
>Let's rest for a while 'til our souls catch us up<p>

Bring on the wonder  
>Bring on the song<br>I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long

-"Bring on the Wonder", Susan Enan

* * *

><p><strong>September 6th<br>Somewhere between Florence and Rome, Italy**

"Mulder... seriously. Where are we going?" Scully asked with amusement as she settled into her seat on the train.

"No can do, Scully," Mulder volleyed back, grinning and leaning his elbows on the small table that perched, connected to the wall, between their train seats, which faced each other. "You'll see when we get there."

They'd been in Italy for about a week. Scully was sad to leave Spain, because it had been so relaxing and beautiful. After their trip to Valencia, they returned to Barcelona for a week so Scully could do some work. While Scully did her research, Mulder wandered around the city, often chatting with some of the younger backpackers he'd encounter. It's where he came up with some of their travel plans. Before heading to Italy, the pair spent a long weekend in Madrid, which Mulder immensely enjoyed. He couldn't put his finger on what it was about Madrid, but it had a good feel to it, and they really enjoyed their weekend.

Florence was another unbelievably beautiful city. Scully couldn't decide if she liked Florence better than Barcelona because they were so very different, it was difficult to compare the two. The Renaissance was born in Florence, and it was reflected everywhere throughout the city. The architecture was breathtaking, and Scully knew Mulder enjoyed it because he had shown himself to be a bit of an architecture buff since they'd been abroad.

After they'd unpacked and had a meal, Mulder took Scully to Basilica diSanta Croce, which was a very prominent Catholic church in Florence. Mulder thought Scully would love it because it contained the monumental tombs of Galileo, Michelangelo, Machiavelli, Dante, and many other notable figured from history. Nor surprisingly, this was a grand slam with Scully, who insisted Mulder get out the digital camera and take her picture by Galileo's monumental tomb. He found it amusing that his little scientist was also a devout Catholic, and here she was, standing next to Galileo in a Catholic church in Florence.

Taking the train from Barcelona to Florence was a bit tricky, because they had to take an overnight train. But Scully was enjoying train travel, and when Mulder mentioned booking them a flight, Scully insisted they take the train. While they were staying at an apartment in Florence, but today Mulder got Scully on the train to Rome, which was about a three-hour train ride on the particular train they were on.

The ride took them through the Tuscan countryside, which was nothing short of awesome. Mulder was silently glad he chose the longer train instead of the quick trip on the Eurostar, looking at Scully's reactions. He was continually amazed at how different these places were since he'd visited during his days at Oxford. Everything was much more accessible these days.

Mulder had this particular venture planned out since their dinner out in Valencia, and today was first of many surprises Mulder had in store for Scully during their time in Europe. Scully had awoken this morning alone in bed. Curious, she got out of bed and padded out of the bedroom of their Florence apartment and found Mulder drinking coffee in the living room. Beside the front table was both their weekend bags. He had greeted her with a wry smile, and Scully knew he had something in store for them.

Once Scully was dressed, they made their way almost immediately to the train station. Since the trains in Europe always made more than one stop, Scully couldn't tell from there where they were headed. But once it was time for them to get off the train, she'd hopefully have some sort of idea. Mulder droned on for the first half hour of their journey with his endless knowledge about the history of the area.

"Did you know, Scully, that the Florentines reinvented money in the form of the gold florin? That was the engine that drove Europe out of the "Dark Ages, actually."

Scully raised an amused eyebrow at him. "I did not know that, Mulder."

"Yeah, they actually financed the development of industry all over Europe. They even financed the papacy, including the construction of the papal palace in Avignon and the reconstruction of St. Peters and the Vatican when the papacy returned to Rome from the Babylonian captivity."

His eidetic memory never ceased to amaze her. Especially when it came to history of the papacy, something Scully was a little rusty on. She was glad she had Mulder and glad they were in Italy.

After awhile, the conversation died and slipped into a comfortable silence, as Scully looked out the window at the Tuscan countryside and allowed her mind to wander. Instead of thinking about the past, this time she thought about Mulder, and about this past month, and how their relationship had completely transformed. She felt strangely normal, which was a first for them. Nothing they ever did was normal. Scully had given up the idea a long time ago, even before they began seeing each other romantically, that they'd ever have anything resembling normal.

Not that living in Europe for a year like a pair of vagabonds was normal, but the way they were together now, it felt perfect. She'd actually worked on allowing herself to just be. As a result, she felt much more carefree with Mulder. They were making love much more frequently now that Scully didn't work the erratic hours at the hospital. It left them both very sexually charged all the time. Sometimes, Scully felt like she'd die if she didn't feel Mulder's hands on her.

However, that feeling of normalcy was a double-edged sword. Feeling normal with Mulder meant she began to feel that tug that other normal women felt after being in a relationship for a long time that had no end in sight: marriage. She wondered if they would ever. Maybe she was getting caught up in the romance of Europe, but she couldn't help but sit there in silence and imagine a wedding, getting married to Mulder, with the dress, the cake, the first dance - the whole nine. But when she imagined it, she couldn't imagine it without her family there.

A pang of sadness hit Scully in the gut, missing her mother in a way that was so overwhelming that she had to put her head in her hands. She had no idea where her mother was, she hadn't seen or heard from her in almost ten years. She had no idea if she was sick, or even alive.

Scully felt a warm hand stroke through her hair.

"Scully?" he asked, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Lowering her hands, she looked up at him, with tears welling in her eyes. She nodded.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked, frowning, wondering what got her so upset.

"Just thinking, Mulder," she stated sadly, her voice thick with emotion.

When Mulder didn't press, she assumed he didn't know what to say or wasn't sure if he should ask. So she continued.

"I miss my mom, Mulder," she admitted, her grief hitting her like a ton of bricks.

She grimaced, choking back a sob, determined not to lose it here on this train, with no idea how long was left on it. Mulder, not missing a beat, scurried around to her side, took the seat next to her, and gathered her in his arms. Scully wasn't sure what it was about Mulder's touch, but as soon as she felt him hold her, as soon as she smelled him, she left go, sobbing softly into his shoulder, trying to keep quiet.

Mulder sensed her timidity and pulled back for a moment, and stood to grab his bag from the luggage rack above them. He dug through it until he found the light blanket he'd packed that he bought in Madrid for Scully, after she spend a three hour train ride shivering from the blast of the air conditioning. He returned to his seat next to Scully and tossed it over their heads, giving them at least a little bit of privacy.

Appreciating the gesture, she turned to him, nearly crawling into his lap.

"Thank you," she whispered, tears still leaking from her eyes.

Mulder adjusted the blanket then touched Scully's face, swiping at her tears.

"I know this is hard, Dana," he said softly. "I want to make the pain go away and I know I can't."

"It's okay," she whispered, snuggling into him, attempting to get her emotions back in check. "Thank you for all of this, Mulder. I feel so different. I feel like we are different now - in a good way. I love you so much."

Mulder felt tears even burn at his own eyes, but he pushed them away. He had wondered if she'd felt it too, it was as if this new energy was running through them. He wasn't sure if it was just being removed from life and focusing on themselves or what, but whatever it was, he was thankful.

"I love you too," he whispered roughly. "I know what you mean, I feel it took. We needed this. I know it isn't always easy, but I am so glad we did this."

Scully was pensive for a few minutes. She thought about what it meant to feel this way. It hurt to think that they went this long, not necessarily unhappy, but spending time on autopilot, unable to even enjoy what was right in front of them - each other.

"I'm sorry Mulder," she said, pulling back to stroke his cheek. "I'm sorry I neglected us."

Mulder shook his head. "You didn't Scully. We just hit the ground running after we left DC, and we both dealt with things in our own way. What is important is we are together now and are working towards enjoying life."

Feeling a surge of emotion for him, she covered her mouth with his, placing a hand on either side of his face, bring him as close to her as she could possibly get. Sometimes she felt like she wanted to just crawl inside him and exist. Scully opened her mouth, tilting her head up giving him better access. He slid his tongue inside her mouth, exploratory at first, but after a minute because searing, and urgent.

Mulder broke the kiss not long after, placing his forehead against hers.

"Scully, we gotta stop or I-"

She hugged him tightly to her. "I know, I know... Later though..."

* * *

><p>Two hours later, the pair arrived in Rome in very good spirits. Mulder tried to distract Scully from looking where they had stopped, but when they stepped onto the platform and left the train station, they were quite obviously in Rome, and Scully picked up as soon as she took one look at the city.<p>

"Mulder!" she gasped. "Are we in Rome?"

Mulder grinned and nodded. "Let's drop our bags at the hotel, should be just two streets over. Then the surprise continues."

They made their way to the hotel, which Scully found to be much more indulgent than they were used to, not that it mattered. She didn't complain though, she was enjoying herself.

Once their bags were dropped off and Scully freshened up a bit, they stopped by a pizzeria for some authentic Italian pizza before it was time for Mulder's little surprise for Scully. He was actually surprised she'd not put two and two together yet. He was going to take her to the Vatican, which was right in Rome. Maybe Scully didn't know they were that close… or maybe she didn't care to go anymore. That thought made Mulder's stomach lurch a bit. He hoped she'd like what he had planned.

They finished up eating and headed outside. There was a man on a Vespa just outside, which Mulder had arranged from the hotel while Scully was freshening up. He turned to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Okay Scully, we're going on a little ride. I want this to be a surprise, so try not to look and see where we are going, okay?"

Her eyebrow hit her hairline in amusement. "Okay, Mulder."

"Just humor me, Scully."

With that, they climbed aboard the Vespa, and the driver took off. Scully didn't have a problem with peeking, because the man driving them was an absolute maniac, and she buried her face in Mulder's back for the entire duration of the ride. She was amused, however, that while she was on the back of the Vespa, Mulder was sandwiched between she and the man driving them. For whatever reason, Scully found this to be amusing, and giggled into his back.

After about twenty minutes of herkey-jerkey stop and go, the Vespa came to a stop. They dismounted, and Mulder waved the man in gratitude.

"Gracias," he said politely.

Scully snorted. "Mulder, that's Spanish, not Italian!"

They both shared a laugh as the driver tossed them a bemused look and drove off. Once Scully realized where she was at, the laugher died in her mouth.

"Mulder…" she whispered in wonder. "Are we where I think we are?"

Mulder smiled, hoping her reaction meant she was happy. "Welcome to the Vatican, Scully. Saint Peter's Piazza to be exact. If you look directly ahead of you, that would be Saint Peter's Basilica."

"Oh my GOD Mulder!" she shrieked, jumping up to give Mulder a big hug. "This is literally a dream come true!"

"Scully, did you just use God's name in vain at the Vatican?" Mulder teased.

"Shut up, Mulder," she said with a smile, turning in a complete circle to take in the amazing views.

She's wanted to go to the Vatican since she was a little girl. No one in her family had ever gone, not even her father, who had been all over the world thanks to the Navy. In school she saw so many pictures, she learned the history of the Vatican. Never in a million years did she think she'd ever make it there.

They took a long tour of Saint Peter's Basilica. When they exited, Scully wanted to check out the Vatican Museum next. Mulder was feeling a bit tired and also had something else he needed to take care of.

"Scully, why don't you go ahead into the museum, I'm going to grab us some gelato and use the bathroom. I'll catch up with you in a little bit."

A look of concern washed over her face. "Are you sure? We don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Of course I want to, I couldn't wait to bring you here, Scully. I am just a bit out of sorts from the travel I think. Go ahead. Did you bring your phone?"

Scully nodded, patting her bag. They both brought their phones, switching to an international plan, so Scully could call the hospital back in Denver for work purposes, and just in case they got separated traveling.

"Okay, I'll shoot you a text in about fifteen minutes. What kind of gelato do you want?"

She bit her lip thoughtfully. "Pistachio. If they don't have that then surprise me."

And with that they parted.

Mulder made sure Scully was out of sight before he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. When he found who he was looking for he hit "send". His heart pounded in his chest. He hoped the number was still the same. It had been several years since…

"Hello?" said a woman's voice, interrupting Mulder's thoughts.

"Uh, uh, Missus Scully?" Mulder said, almost panicking. What he was doing right now was dangerous. So incredibly dangerous.

"Yes?" she said, before recognizing who she was talking to, and choked out a sob. "Fox? Is that you?"

"Yes it is," he said, feeling both tense and relieved at the same time.

"Oh Fox, I thought-" she began, struggling not to cry. "Mister Skinner told me the situation with you and Dana leaving a long time ago, and I've been thinking and praying about you both every day. Oh Fox, is Dana there? Is everything alright?"

"Missus Scully-"

"Please, Maggie, dear," she said.

"Maggie, Dana is with me, but she isn't here at the moment. Everything is okay, but I called to ask you a something…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Chugging along. Also, I mention a Mike's Bikes here, which is actually a real company. They do awesome bike tours in Munich. They are the best. They also have another one in Amsterdam. Friendliest folks out there, so if you find yourself in either city, I totally recommend it. It's probably one of my most favorite things I did when I was abroad. But anyway, I digress. **

* * *

><p>All this time spent in vain<br>Wasted years  
>Wasted gain<br>All is lost  
>Hope remains<br>And this war's not over

There's a light  
>There's the sun<br>Taking all the shattered ones  
>To the place we belong<br>And his love will conquer

-"Shattered", Trading Yesterday

* * *

><p><strong>October 20<strong>**th**

**Munich, Germany**

"It's supposed to be just around the corner from the Hofbrahaus," Scully said with a frown.

She peered down at the tiny strip map on the flier she had in her hand. This was supposed to be a fun thing she was doing for Mulder, since he'd surprised her so many times during this trip, that she wanted to do something nice for him. Two mornings ago when she went out to get them coffee, she passed a hostel. A kid was out there handing out fliers, and she took one. It was for a company called Mike's Bikes, and for twenty euros, you could take a bike tour of Munich that lasted three or four hours. Scully thought Mulder would love something like that. But of course, here they were lost, trying to find their way around the side streets of Munich.

"What's the name of the place, Scully? I'll put it in my phone and get directions that way since it's got a GPS."

She shook her head. "No, that'll give it away. We have to be close."

It took another ten minutes, but the pair arrived to the Mike's Bikes in just enough time to pay and join the rest of the group before they took off.

They had been in Germany for about two weeks now. As much as Scully loved Italy, she had to admit that Germany was her favorite place thus far. It was autumn, the leaves were turning, and Scully fell in love that first train ride along the Rhine.

They spent some time in Venice before hopping a flight to Frankfurt two weeks ago. Frankfurt was a bit of a disappointment. It was a very modern looking city; comparable to something you'd see in America. When they'd arrived, the weather was chilly, but a nice break from the muggy weather they'd experienced in Italy.

They hopped a train to Cologne, or Koln, right after Frankfurt, and spent a long weekend there. Scully was taken aback because as soon as they walked out of the Koln hauptbahnhof they were greeted by this incredibly large cathedral which was referred to as the Dom. Koln was situated right on the Rhine River, and Scully thought it was possibly the most breathtaking place she'd ever seen.

Mulder was down for the count that first day and stayed in to sleep, but Scully was energized and took time to explore on her own, and enjoyed the opportunity to have some time alone. There was a lot of shopping in the streets of Koln. She was surprised to see Hermes, Louis Vuitton, Burberry, and other places she was used to seeing back in America.

Germany also seemed to bring out some other interesting characters, she noticed. She saw a man (or perhaps it was a woman, she couldn't tell) dressed as a frog walking down the street. She saw an elderly man who set up shop in the middle of a wide cobblestone street. He was playing some instrument that was half harmonica and half accordion, while making about a dozen wooden puppets dance. Locals passed this like it was normal. Scully stopped for an amused moment, resisting the urge to take a picture.

Mulder was enjoying Germany as well. After Koln, they hit Heidelberg, which was probably his most favorite place they had been so far. He couldn't explain it. Heidelberg was a very small town relative to where else they'd been so far. It was private, it was quiet, and he and Scully had a lovely few days there.

Now they were here in Munich and planned to stay for a little while, the hitting towns here and there began to drain them both, and besides… Mulder had part of his plan he needed to carry out.

After speaking to Maggie Scully while they were in Rome, Mulder spoke to her a few more times, unbeknownst to Scully. Mulder accepted that she'd kill him if she ever found out he was speaking with her mother and not telling her. But the reward was worth the risk, and the reward would happen tomorrow.

Now, they were halfway through the bike tour of Munich, which was amazing. They stopped at several different places, their guide giving them the background on each place as they went. The tour group was about fifteen people, of various age groups, on bikes and the pace was nice and easy. It was quite relaxing actually. Their guide was a very funny guy probably in his late twenties. Apparently, Munich has a large population of mullets, so every time they would pass someone with a mullet, they all had to ring the bell on their bikes. It was fantastic.

The English Garden was the halfway point of their tour, which was a huge park, comparable to Central Park in New York City. The group stopped at a Japanese themed bier garden for lunch.

"Would you like to sit while I get food?" Mulder asked Scully as they found an empty table close to everyone in the tour group.

"That sounds good," she answered. "Get me a brat and some sauerkraut, and a beer."

Mulder smiled. While he had become a wine aficionado in Spain, Scully had become a beer connoisseur in Germany, which he found completely endearing.

While he was in line he felt his phone vibrate. Confused, he pulled it out of the pocket of his jacket.

Shit, it was Maggie.

He answered it, no time to look and see if Scully was watching.

"Hello?"

"Hello Fox, I was just checking in to let you know everything was going according to plan and right on time."

"Great Maggie, thanks for keeping me in the loop."

"How is Dana? Does she know anything?"

"She's good, she's waiting on me to bring her lunch right now, we're in the park on a bike tour. And no she doesn't suspect a thing."

"Oh that sounds like a lovely day Fox."

Mulder noticed Scully staring at him from her table. Shit.

"Look, I gotta go Maggie, but we will be in touch very soon."

"Okay Fox, until then."

He punched the 'end' button on his phone and shoved it back in his pocket, not turning around to look at Scully. He ordered their food and approached the table five minutes later.

Sitting Scully's very large beer in front of her along with her food, and putting his just in front of it, he sat down, prepared for the Scully Inquisition.

Without missing a beat, Scully delivered.

"Mulder, who were you talking to on the phone?" she said, a look of concern crossed her face.

Mulder sighed and took a big swig from his beer, making a bit of a face. Whatever beer they had here was a bit too hoppy for his taste.

"Okay," he said, not able to lie to her because he wasn't expecting Maggie to call him then. "I am not going to tell you about that phone call, because it's kind of a secret, and it'll be explained a little more tomorrow. Okay?"

Scully took a pull from her beer thoughtfully. A part of her wanted to assume this was Mulder surprising her with a trip or something, but something about the look on Mulder's face when he answered the phone left her a little unsettled.

She decided to drop it for now until tomorrow, though her mood was inexplicably killed.

* * *

><p>That evening, Mulder and Scully decided to have a night in at the apartment they were renting in Munich. Mulder was horizontal on the couch reading a book, while Scully tapped away at her computer. Not much was said between them. Scully was feeling moody after their exchange earlier, and Mulder was well aware of it, but knew it would pass tomorrow when she understood.<p>

About eight, Mulder closed his book and padded into the bathroom, feeling the need to take a shower. Scully heard the water turn on in the bathroom and halted her motions for a few moments. She looked at Mulder's BlackBerry, which sat on the table. Her stomach churned wit anxiety. She trusted Mulder, she trusted him with her life – and she had for many years.

She wasn't sure what she thought she'd see when she checked his call list. Certainly not another woman, it wasn't like that. But something ate away ate her until finally it got the best of her, and she picked up his phone and scrolled through the call list to see who exactly called Mulder.

When she realized the number was not only from America, but also from a DC area code, she dropped the phone like a hot potato. And not only did they call today, but it also looked like whoever this caller was and Mulder had been exchanging phone calls – since they'd been in Italy!

Scully felt betrayed, she felt angry, and she felt scared. Was something wrong that someone from DC would contact Mulder? And either way, why couldn't Mulder tell her?

A part of her wanted to march into the bathroom and demand Mulder explain to her what was going on and why he lied to her. But a bigger part of her felt too hurt right now to even have an intelligent discussion with him. Tears leaked from her eyes in an undisciplined stream. A part of her felt silly about the way she was reacting, but a bigger part of her felt hurt.

When Mulder was finished in the shower, he opened the door to a dark bedroom. He could make out Scully's silhouette under the covers, facing away from him. This concerned him, because he knew she wasn't sleeping and he could feel the tension in the room.

"Scully?" he said softly.

"Not now, Mulder," she said, her voice muffled.

It sounded like she'd been crying, and that tore Mulder apart. He made his way to her side of the bed and knelt in front of her. She was burrowed tightly under the covers; all he could make out were her eyes.

"Scully, if this is about earlier-" he began.

She released the covers from around her and shot up from bed.

"Of course this is about earlier, Mulder!" she shouted. "Did you not think I was going to find out?"

Mulder was confused. If Scully knew what he knew, then why was she mad?

"What are you talking about, Scully?"

She looked at him incredulously in the dark. "Don't play stupid with me. I know you have been calling someone with a DC area code! And they have been calling you too! For a month now!"

She must have checked his phone. He sighed. "Did you call the number, Scully?"

"No, why would I?" she replied tartly. "Who is it, someone from the bureau? You are jeopardizing our safety. They left us alone for so long, why poke the hornet's nest now, Mulder?"

"Are you-"

"I'm not finished yet! You know what is the worst part about all of this? That you couldn't even tell me. I was suddenly transported back to nineteen ninety-four, Mulder, half expecting to be ditched. Half expecting to come back from getting coffee and find a note on the table saying you left somewhere and turned your phone off. Do you know how much that fucking hurts? After all this time, you still don't fucking trust me, Mulder?"

Mulder took a deep breath before responding. On one hand, he understood her fury. But on the other hand, how could she not trust _him_? After a few moments he turned on his heel, angrily flipping on the light switch to their room. He stormed into the living room and retrieved his phone, and made his way back into the bedroom.

"Here, Scully," he growled. "Since you clearly don't trust me, you call the number right now."

He chucked the phone in her general direction, and it hit the bed with a thud.

"Oh no, I'm not calling it Mulder, whatever, you obviously didn't want me involved in the first place!" she said, holding up her hands.

"Damnit, Scully," he huffed, reaching for the phone, scrolling to find Maggie's number, knowing she wouldn't be home. He punched send, and then put the phone on speakerphone.

Scully was wide-eyed and bewildered at this point, as the phone began to ring. After six rings, the voicemail picked up, and an all-too familiar voice floated from the speaker.

"Hello, you've reached Maggie Scully, please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

Upon hearing her mother's voice for the first time in probably nine years, her face crumpled and she felt a scream frozen in her throat. She looked at Mulder with a look that was a cross between hurt and confusion.

"And you know why she didn't pick up, Scully?" Mulder asked, softening his tone.

She shook her head silently, tears now streaming down her face.

"Because she's on a airplane. On her way here. I am meeting her in the morning to pick her up. It was meant to be a surprise, but I guess the cat's out of the bag now."

Scully collapsed where she was standing, into a heap on the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. She was so mad at herself for not trusting him, to think he'd do something like that to her. She was so mad that he did this incredibly amazing thing for her, knowing how much she'd missed her mother, and all she did was yell at him.

Mulder sank to his knees on the floor after her and gathered her into her arms. She fell apart at his touch, a combination of feelings all brewing – equal parts guilt, relief, and sheer shock that tomorrow she would see her mother. After several moments of silence between them in the dark, something in the air changed. Sad and pathetic Scully was gone and only an incredibly appreciative Scully remained, and she was in awe of the man who was holding her in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I'm so sorry I didn't trust you."

He smiled against her hair. "Scully, you can always trust me. I know in the past I've ditched you but I think I've shown you I am here for the long haul baby. Don't shut me out."

She sniffled at that. "I know I'm hard sometimes Mulder, and I know these past few years haven't been the best they could be… but please don't give up on me Mulder."

"Never," he said sagely, punctuating with a chaste kiss to the lips. "Not even in a million years."


End file.
